Vanity is Godliness

Happy Monday - November 24, 2008

Dearest Fantabulous Gays (and Gay wannabes):

Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks, and I am sad to say I don’t have much to write here this evening. You see, the little blog that gives me so many of my tips sent a recommendation to read, 101 Places to Have Sex Before You Die.

Now, you can imagine the hurried expression on my face as I cracked open that tome with the vim and vigor befitting a gay passing through the doors of an Abercrombie and Fitch Outlet sale!

And, now, imagine my shock when I discovered that I bought a damned book only to find the 1 place I hadn’t already had sex! Disgusted, I say!

But, for you lesser whores, it may provide the inspiration needed to get you to the doctor for a round of anti-syphilis drugs.

So, get those desperate queens you know the book that could change the world! Get ‘em the gift that keeps on giving. And giving. And giving. And giving. (Yeah, just imagine 97 more of those.)

And, you can also read about Calling in Gay, right below this!

Toodles!

A little something I was working on tonight

Was working on this for Chattarati tonight… We’ll see what I think of it in the morning.

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Come on Chattanooga, Call in Gay

In the days since November 4, there has been a flurry of activity in a newly emboldened gay community. Black lists of people, companies, and organizations that supported California’s Proposition 8, a ballot initiative to strip rights for a minority group, are circulating on the internet. (Feel like Burger King? Well, if you care about someone who is gay or lesbian, consider McDonald’s, please.)

Boycotts are taking place, marchers are taking to the streets, and a nationwide walkout is scheduled for International Human Rights Day, December 10. And you know what, even Arnold is encouraging peaceful civil disobedience.

The campaign to “Call in Gay” encourages all GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and Transgender) individuals to skip work. In addition, gay owned businesses are vowing to close their doors, with all those taking part in the recognition of International Human Rights Day vowing to not buy a single thing on the 10^th. Will it work? Who knows? The point is that for far too long the gay community has ‘turned the other cheek’ and this time they’re vowing to shout in unison, “We will stand for this no more.” It may not be as radical as the Stonewall riots, but it may be more painful for quite a few more wallets.

One of the greatest debates from this year’s elections wasn’t regarding who would rise to the nation’s highest office. It was a question of whether a small group of the nation’s sons and daughters would rise to the status of equal citizens. It was a bitter, protracted, and devastating battle that raged, most notably, in the state of California.

As a gay man, and a native son of the Golden State, it was a fight that captured my unwavering attention. Here, in Chattanooga, the debate seems far removed: the question of whether to strip a minority of equal protections under the law is a distant concern in a city where elected officials refuse to answer questions about their voting record as it pertains to equal rights, where gay owned businesses face greater scrutiny than their un-classed counterparts, and where there remains a real threat of being cast out from one’s circle of family and friends for the way they express their love and human nature.

In the days leading up to November 4, I lost friends by the handful. How could I reconcile a friendship with a person who felt I was somehow less than they? I was, and still am, unwilling to sacrifice for a person who believes in their heart of hearts that I don’t deserve the same opportunities, protections, and liberties they enjoy. For those people, I am happy to remain an acquaintance, but a friend they are not prepared to be.

And so it is for the millions of gay men and women across the country. Tens of thousands of legally married couples in California learned a hard lesson too late: a well-funded and devastatingly adept socio-political-religious machine promoting hate, intolerance, and misinformation can strip a minority population of its basic Human rights. Suddenly, members of California society (who paid the same taxes, held the same citizenship status, and were governed by the same Bill of Rights) were stripped of over 1,000 legal protections afforded to their heterosexual counterparts.

The gay community in California wasn’t just asked to get off the bus; the bus ran them down and then backed over them for good measure.

Now, there are those who stand fast to the religious belief that marriage can only be between a man and a woman. And I do not begrudge them that. But, I do say this: that is a religious belief. The separation of church and state mandates that religion shall have no favor or sway over the actions of the United States government and, yet, the Mormon and Catholic churches have absconded with the US system of democracy.

The State (as the California Supreme Court argued in its ruling allowing gay marriage) should not issue “marriage” licenses if “marriage” is by its very nature religious. If a State chooses to do so, it must then extend the right to marry to all its citizens. That is exactly what happened in California… until the rights of a minority were stolen by a majority populace.

Imagine if the South had been given a vote on whether to abolish slavery. It would have never passed, though it was the right thing to do. Instead, our nation went to war to grant rights to a minority of the population who had been so poorly treated there was a critical mass of people who stood up and said, “We will stand for this no more.”

While I can’t possibly sit here and align the suffering of American gay and lesbian individuals with that of black Americans, there are parallels. Ask any GLBT identifying individual if they have been beat, threatened, or fired for their orientation and prepare to be shocked.

Where a minority once stood nearly equal, they now sit: relegated to the status of second class citizen once again. And this time, they’re not sitting for long.

Change is terrifying; it leads to uncertainty and turbulence, but it is inevitable. There are those who fear the power given to a man of color. There are those who fear allowing men and women of a different nature to share their nation’s same inalienable rights.

There are those who are ruled by fear. Period.

But fear can not be the guiding force of a great nation, or a great people. Those who are ruled by fear may think they are standing tall, but in the end the only thing they stand over is the shadow of their cowering selves. And this nation is too great to be a hollow, withered shell of what it once was. And while the gay men and women of California may be fighting the New Apartheid that prevents them from visiting a sick partner in a hospital, inheritance of common property, or even the right to file taxes jointly, their friends and families may be fighting for something else entirely.

For many, Calling in Gay on December 10^th may be a chance to fight for the basic liberties that should be afforded to every American. Maybe they’re simply standing up for the great nation we are meant to support just as much as it supports us.

And, then again, maybe it is as simple as standing up for a big brother, a big sister— a son or daughter.

Either way, Chattanooga, feel free to stand up for what is right, even if this is a community where you may be the only person on your street saying, “I will stand for this no more,” because all across this great nation, there will be others there to turn your “I” into a “We.”

I lifted this...

But, totally agree… Have you noticed that latest red state / blue state map looks like a pre-Civil War map? There’s a reason.

Dear Red States,
We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD’s turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. lown sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can keep that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

In closing, we leave you with the ignorant words of Sarah Palin, ‘You betcha!’

Peace out,
Blue States

The follow up

When I wrote yesterday’s post, I hadn’t bothered to read the day’s breaking news. It turns out, oddly enough, that Tennessee turned out a white supremacist who was going to target 88 black people and behead 14 of them. While yetserday’s post was humorous with a serious subject at its core, this really is no joke.

Racism is a form of terrorism. Pure and Simple. It is time this country started to recognize those agents within its own border that are destroying the country from the inside out: poverty and unbridled hatred. We can continue to say, “it’s just how I was raised,” or, “you just don’t understand the South,” but both of those statements are merely justifications for American-bred Terrorism.

It doesn’t matter if the hate comes packaged in an Abercrombie and Fitch T-Shirt, carrying a Gucci bag, or brandishing a sub-machine gun… it is all wrong and destructive to the country’s fundamental basis of creation: all men are created equal.

It is time to change the way we treat each other, the way we treat ourselves, and, more importantly, the way we treat our Country. We need to focus on a unified, strong, and tolerant tomorrow. That is why I will be voting for the best candidate on November 4. That is why I will vote with pride for Barack Obama.

Happy Monday - 10.27.2008

Dearest Gorgeous Gays!

Yes, here it is, yet another Happy Monday! Now, I know in recent weeks we have discussed underwear, hot men, and Sex and the City, because we can. We live in America, after all— one of the greatest nations on the planet and home to the most Fabulous of fabulous gays.

On Friday evening, I spent a good three hours primping and preening my hair, gusseting my gut into a fine silk corset, and plopping my junk into the finest pair of AussieBums imaginable. I won’t take any shortcuts when it comes to going to McDonald’s.

But, after a meal of bovine flavored, dehydrated starch, poly-lacto-cellulose-methylalinine-glycate (commonly known as the number 5 combo meal), I needed something to do, so I ventured out to Alan Gold’s. Yes, it is my joy of joys! Alan’s, you are my sweet purveyor of hosed-down kisses, ego-maniacal trailer trash, and supporters of McCain!

Wha-what?

Yes, supporters of McCain.

Now, I stumbled for a moment, at a loss for words. I thought: A gay. Voting for McCain. Is there an equivalent that would help me better understand the dilemma. No. No there was not. And, then, finally I had to ask:

-Maybe they could vote for McCain because they might pay less tax? But Obama’s plan gives more back to all these gays. Not one of them makes more than $200,000 a year, and if they did, why are they not buying me drinks?

-Maybe they are afraid? They fear terrorists. But, more people die in the United States due to poverty every year than all of the terrorist attacks of the past 8 years combined. Surely they realize the poor house is far scarier than a wacko beating a Bible or a Koran?

-Maybe they don’t have any interest in federal recognition of same sex unions (called marriage or otherwise)? But then there’s over 1,100 rights given to all Americans, except homosexuals. Even if a gay never gets married, there are implications if they ever decide to have children.

Unfortunately, none of the responses I got were as thought out or considered. No, while innocent hood-winked gays are voting party line (which is okay), the Hooded gays replied that they would never vote for a n*gger, muslim, or “those people”. I realize there is no changing a person who is trashy enough to base their beliefs on skin color, but I was absolutely stunned to think these particular gays had skipped their Klan meeting to come to Alan’s. While I was stunned, the reality setting in on me was this: these were friends from the inner circle saying this to me. I had heard it on the periphery the week before, but these were friends… not just acquaintances.

Oh, yes, that changes everything.

While I am more than happy to discuss politics, chiffon, and silicone based lubricants, I draw the line at blatant racism. There is nothing to do but say, “seriously?,” state that some of my closest friends are not white, and excuse myself from the conversation. This election is yet another example of one party trying to scare people to the polls.

In 2000: they told you the gays would ruin the world.

In 2004: they told you the only thing you had to fear was that other person somewhere over there. “No, here! No, there! Wait, he’s back. Let’s just blow up everything, including the Bill of Rights! Wait, no, let’s destroy the economy and faith in market driven economics at the same time! Woo hoo, I’m the Decider! Now, before we set this thing off, how many gays you got under that bomb? He he.”

In 2008: “Let’s terrify everyone left in the country who hasn’t realized this country is doing more harm to itself than anyone else could even contemplate. Let’s make them fear the black man… again. Wait, there a gay somewhere? Let’s make it look like the gays belong with the terrorists and that’s why they aren’t really Americans! Woo hoo! I’m a Maverick!”

But, back to me and the reason for this not-so-happy, but could be happy, Monday. We each have a chance to stand up and claim our rights as an American: a person who believes ALL men are created equal. A person who believes that all of us has the God-given right to the pursuit of freedom and happiness. A person who respects the nation’s need for security, but not at the cost of the diversity and social fabric from which this nation was built.

Yes, the happiest thing I could think of this Monday was not that you vote one way or another. The happiest thought I had for this Monday was that each one of you would reach deep down into your own heart and look at the issues and what is really important to you, your friends, and family.

Do you have a friend out of a job?

Do you know— or are you— a member of a minority group?

Do you think our secret to greatness is contained in the little phrase on your money: e pluribus unum (from the many, one), or do you think we owe nothing to our community?

These are the questions I would ask everyone to consider this coming Election Day. This is not an election of abstracts, this is an election of fundamental differences that will impact each of us for the next 4, if not 8, years. Each of us is entitled to an opinion,  (Though Madonna will always be better than Celine… that’s just fact and no other opinion is possible.) but let’s base those decisions on fact, our needs at the present, and our vision for the future.

A day when everyone votes based on those criteria? That is a truly Happy Monday.

RESOURCES:

An Overview of Federal Rights and Protections Granted to Married Couples

There are 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law. [1]  Because no U.S. state allows lesbian and gay couples to marry, however, lesbian and gay couples are excluded from all of these.

The following is a summary of several categories of federal laws contingent upon marital status.

From: http://www.hrc.org/issues/5585.htm

John McCain

Okay, this is all I will say about this… So, he still has Joe’s name badge up there on his site. Joe hasn’t paid taxes in years. How can he pay more in taxes, when he hasn’t paid any in years??? But I digress. Come get your statements from McCain here: http://www.johnmccain.com/landing/

Barack Obama

Take a moment to find out who the man really is. (Just in case reading his book or any one of the reputable biographies aren’t enough.) Also, there’s an LGBT section of the site. You can even find out what your taxes would be under his plan. (I was a little disappointed, but I guess that new Prada doggie outfit will have to wait.)

http://www.barackobama.com/index.php

Debunking Myths on Both Sides

Well, there’s far more on Obama here, but it does include information about Palin as well. There have been a lot of lies spread about Obama, and Palin has had a few as well. For a list of everything true and those things mostly false about Barack Obama and Sarah Palin, check out this link. It’s a non-partisan, urban myth debunking site. There is no agenda and, in fact, the way they write makes me think that there may be a little pro-McCain bias, but they back their facts up with photos and actual data.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/obama.asp

John McCain Launches New Campaign Slogan

In a Chattarati first, a national candidate has made his staff available to Chattarati for an interview regarding a newly executed campaign strategy. Coming on the heels of withering attacks against Democrats at the Republican National Convention, John McCain today launched his new campaign slogan, “Get Behind Me, Ladies.” The slogan is set to appear in new television and print advertisements over the coming days.

“I think this really sums up what McCain is all about,” explained his senior campaign advisor, Steve Schmidt. “Senator McCain is a maverick and is ready to say, ‘yes, ladies, I need you behind me’ in a very sincere and heartfelt manner. No other Republican has ever acknowledged women, so we’re taking this idea, from bathroom stalls and closets across America, directly to the people! I really expect to see the women of the Republican Party, and the women of the United States, faithfully following ten steps behind Senator McCain all the way to the White House!”

Coming on the heels of the selection of Governor Sarah Palin as the Republican nominee for the office of Vice President, Senator McCain has taken extraordinary measures to court the vote of disaffected Hillary Clinton supporters. “You know, I may not always know if women should have birth control covered by their health insurance plans, but I do know that women deserve to be represented at the highest levels of government,” explained Republican Nominee, Senator John McCain. “Look, there are any number of women in the Republican Party who have served this country, excelled as parents, and avoided any allegation of corruption. They are all strong, independent women who have made their mark in American politics and have shone as beacons to younger generations of American girls. And then there was Sarah. I know women don’t want to see someone like Hillary Clinton: ambitious, steadfast, and accomplished. Why worry about having to fight men to be heard when we can have someone who represents the image of what a woman should be: hockey mom, follower, and grandmother? I want this country to come together under a singular vision.”

While Senator McCain’s campaign does seem to be making gains with his new slogan and strategy in early polling among Evangelical Republicans, there still seems to be little movement among Clinton’s former supporters. Among the Feminists and Lesbians who have claimed to support Senator McCain since Clinton’s failed run for the Democratic nomination, most have been insulted by the appearance of pandering by the McCain camp.

“Really?,” asked Jasmyn Saphos. “He’s got a womyn [Palin] who divided a community, is the subject of a government corruption investigation, and campaigned against her own mother-in-law? On top of that, she said her daughter had the decision on whether or not to keep her baby, but she is going to ensure my niece wouldn’t have the same ability to make that decision? I mean, seriously, he must think womyn are the stupidest creatures on the planet. On the other hand, she was a beauty queen.”

Saphos, clad in flannel, jeans, and a draping wallet chain, continued laying out reasons for her shock at the Palin nomination in an increasingly excited tone. “And to top it off,” Saphos continued, “she is a proponent of abstinence only education? Really? Rising STD rates among teens and your own daughter’s teen pregnancy haven’t changed your mind? I don’t know whether to call her Palin or Bush! Seriously, where do they learn this ‘hold the course’ stuff? But, still, this is going to be a hard decision on who to vote for. I mean, I’ve never really had a politician in office I could fantasize about.”